Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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