Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
