so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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