I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
