Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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