No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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