Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
