Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
