Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
