i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
