I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
