i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
