so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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