hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
