think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize