and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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