You're like the curious george of whores
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
