gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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