im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
