"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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