i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
