Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
