His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
