He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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