if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize