My friends, they love my intelligence
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
