I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
