it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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