Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
