i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
