so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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