I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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