just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
