i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sex in a hospital.. check
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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