And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
