im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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