Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize