So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
