1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
