R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
