Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
