i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
