my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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