I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
