you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
