Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
