first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
