D3 body, D1 cock
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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