woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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