I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
