So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
