I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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