fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
