i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
