so that wasnt chicken after all
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
