were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
