recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
