I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
