I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize