Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
