so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
