I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
