I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
