when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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