you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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