is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
