I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
