I think I died a long time ago.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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