Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm really into asian looking animals
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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