I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
