im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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