Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
