OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My pussy is not your playground.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
