Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
