How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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