Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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