i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize