That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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