My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
