Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
