Duck Duck Cougar?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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