I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I love you. Go after that dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize