Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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