cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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