Midget sex pt 2 tonight
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
